Humility

So I didn't have a very good day...It was rainy, I was in a bad mood, and it just seemed to be getting worse and worse with time. I really didn't want to be at work, but I had to go. I pick up Andrew from a friends house early because his mom got an e-mail from his teacher saying he got in trouble at school because he didn't finish his classwork. Let the yell fest begin. He starts screaming in the car saying his playdate wasn't long enough and he hates school and all the rest of it. I've learned to accept his screaming and talk to him about it after.

Anyway, the car conversation (for lack of a better word) went from him telling me he hates school, me telling him there are kids in other countries who would really want to take his place and be in school, him telling me school is free, me explaining taxes, him telling me taxes are stupid, but if they exist then why don't other countries use them, me explaining poverty and government corruption, and him asking what he could do about it. Sometimes I think he's too smart for a nine year old and his own good.

Then we go inside and get to work. His poem was actually a really stupid assignment, but I couldn't tell him that because he would have just had another tantrum. He had to write a poem called "If you stepped into my heart you would find..." and then come up with all these different things like, something from nature, something you can hear, something you can see, a feeling from your past. There were some highlights for sure. Something from nature-"ancient bird poo" I let it slide cause it was just too funny. Then, a feeling from the past-"feeling like a midget"...also too funny to tell him no. Then we get to the very last two things: Someone you love and how they make you feel. He gets all shy and looks down at his own stomach. He says "I think I'm looking at it". I didn't get it. I said, " you love yourself? That's all you can think of? What about your mom or da..."
"NOOO! I am looking at her..."
"Who?"
"You! I love you, ok?"
I tried to resist emotion. Okay, you can write me if you want. You should probably write "my babysitter" because your teacher won't understand if you just write my name.

Okay...last one..."how do I make you feel Andrew?"
"I don't know...sometimes it's hard to describe things."
"Yeah, you're right. It's really hard to describe love. But I mean, when I think about my friends, Julie makes me feel important and valued, Ashley makes me feel loved, and Trent makes me laugh, which are all reasons why I love th..."
"Well, you make me feel all of those things."
"Ok, well can you maybe pick one?"
"You make me feel...loved I think? But you also make me laugh and you put up with me when I yell at you and no one else does."
"Ok...well you could just say that I make you feel..."
"Great. I'm just going to write that you make me feel great."

I almost cried. Man, sometimes I can't imagine what it will be like when he gets too old for a babysitter.

The Coolest Places I Have Ever Been

Recently one of my teachers assigned a rather intriguing project. We had to compile a list of the coolest places we had ever been. The list had to include a variety of places, some that could never exist again, some that are changing, but still generally the same, some ordinary and some extraordinary. It may be the coolest assignment I have ever gotten. So far I have a lot of things to add, it makes me realize how lucky I am.

1. The top of the Eiffel Tower: never have I been somewhere so busy, but so serene. There were tons of people, but looking out at the whole city of Paris you literally feel alone.

2. The glass window bottom of the Kapalua Kai in Maui: We were on a whale watching boat and a female and her baby took shelter under our boat while males tried to show off around us. At the bottom of the boat, there was a glass window where I could see the baby whale's eye. Pretty incredible.

3. The 4th row at the Greek Theater during a Goo Goo Dolls concert: Almost didn't go to the concert and ended up getting incredible seats. Even though it wasn't the best band I've ever seen...it was the best concert.

4. Campus Point: It's just beautiful, let's be honest.

5: The Madison's at Sunset: Easily the prettiest sunsets I have ever seen. You can see UCSB, the Channel Islands, and SB city lights with the sun setting in like fourteen different colors. For some reason, it's better there than anywhere else in Santa Barbara.

6. 6648 Trigo #2A's Balcony: It was just too much fun, especially on Saturday and Sunday mornings.

7. Lizard's Mouth: It's always pretty and always an adventure. It makes me feel like I am a cougar. Rwar. Hahahahahaha

You belong among the wildflowers...

You belong among the wildflowers. You belong in a boat out at sea. Sail away, kill off the hours. You belong somewhere you feel free.

The other day, I was complaining to my dad that my name is too common. He laughed at me. Turns out, when my parents chose to name me Emily it was considered a bit of a hippie name and they were given a little grief. A lot of things seemed to make sense at that moment.

Run away, find you a lover. Go away somewhere all bright and new. I have seen no other that compares with you.

I do not really consider myself to be a hippie. I mean, what makes a person a hippie? I shower often, I shave my armpits and legs, and I don't experiment with copious amounts and varieties of drugs.

You belong among the wildflowers. You belong in a boat out at sea. You belong with your love on your arm. You belong somewhere you feel free.

I do believe in and promote peace and love. I do enjoy deep, meaningful, and spiritual music. I do like to wear flowers in my hair and spin in the grass, but I think all of these things are me just enjoying being a kid. I do like to live without too many strings attached, I like to live free. Some of the things I believe in may sound hippiesque, but I think they are just big goals so other people are afraid of them.

Run away, go find a lover. Run away, let your heart be your guide. You deserve the deepest of cover. You belong in that home by and by.

I think being in Santa Barbara has made me think more in line with the thinking of hippies. Sometimes I find myself saying things like, "I just want to go to the beach" or "I just need to sit in the sun" or "I wish everyone was just nice". In Northern California, these things might be labeled as "hippie". In Santa Barbara though, these things are waaaay more acceptable.

You belong among the wildflowers. You belong somewhere close to me. Far away from your trouble and worry. You belong somewhere you feel free. You belong somewhere you feel free.

Shhh...I think that's why I like Santa Barbara. It's okay to be free here. It's okay to gallop down the beach. Who cares? Everyone is pretty into enjoying it all.

Nights I will always remember, people I will never forget

I have lived in Isla Vista for almost three years. THREE YEARS. It feels like time has really flown by, and yet, this feels so much like home already. I have met sooo many people that I will never forget, and days and nights that will seriously go down in my history books forever. I have highlighted some of those times (only the positive ones), featuring some of those people here.

1. I'll set the scene. Kimi and Andrew decide to visit Santa Barbara. Ashley, Robert, Kimi, Andrew, Julie, and Me=sleepover. First we went out to dinner at Longboards. Some crazy valet man takes a blury picture for us, then we hung out back in 207B. Best Trop night for sure. Legendary.

2. The Swede takes us out on the town. Black dress night. Nathalie screaming her head off, parading around IV together. Jamie's house, boys house, our house, Courtney's house, Marley House, some other house on DP, repeat. Thus starting the Trigo glory.

3. Downtown at Q's. Getting Julie's ID (sketchy), dancing all night (some creepers involved), losing Trent, finding Trent, taking pictures in the middle of State Street, again, the swede :-). Who's ready to turn 21?... You're LeBron! Smile with your lady friend!

4. ASVT. Bill's Bus I love you. You are the most fun thing ever to exist. Please take me for free everywhere always. The babies visiting made it pretty fun too.

5. My 20th Birthday. Pretty much enough said, but I'll elaborate. The stick. Ok, done. Jk. Jamie being crazy for another night, wearing a pretty dress, paparazzi pictures with strangers. The next night, Bill, again, thank you so much for your hospitality, dancing for hours and hours and hours. Just Julio, Antonio, and Emilio like old times.

6. 4th of July. The first best time on Sueno. Irish dancing and chanting USA. Ribs, cheesy bread, Trigo roof, being sad, fireworks from all directions, hopping fences.

7. West Beach Music Festival. Music on the beach, getting lost with Julie, being found with Julie, seeing Max, seeing the twins, seeing Ashley and Kurt and Scott, seeing everyone we knew and more, dancing, blow up slide, waiting for the shuttle, waiting for a taxi, walking all the way back to Florida's, turtles on the way, phone booth on the way.

8. Ashley's 20th Birthday- The blow up waterslide, Marcella, tangerines and lemonade, the weather breaking at 4:30 pm, Max popping balloons in the hallway, Julie going in with her clothes on, Marcella napping.

9. New Years week 2010- Kimi visiting, bowling, babies visiting, Julie surprising me, running to Freebird's barefooted and blasting music, running home from Freebirds blasting music.


I can't wait for the list to grow. The key: no expectations and you will never be dissapointed. Fact.

Graduation? What?

Graduation is 5 and a half months away. Echk. I never ever ever want to leave UCSB. Grace, the six year old I babysit for, had gymnastics on campus yesterday. We parked at the Rec Cen, and walked, swinging hands in synchrony, talking about UCSB. She asked me if I knew any of the kids that were by the bike racks. I didn't, and explained that there are 20,000 students at UCSB, which is much more than at Mountain View Elementary, and so it's impossible to know everyone. Just then, I see some one that I knew. It made me realize how connected I am at UCSB. No, I don't know even a tenth of the 20,000, but I do know a whole heck of a lot of people. We're all different, but in some way we are all alike as well. We all worked hard enough at some point in our lives to make it here. We all also chose to forgo the opportunities to study at more prestigious universities such as UCLA or Stanford because we valued something else more. Be it student life, the ocean, or the party scene. We are all students. We're sponges soaking up the knowledge of those smarter than us with some hope of someday being that smart.

I'm staying in Santa Barbara after graduation. I am no where near ready to leave yet. So I won't miss the ocean, I'll still be living blocks away. I won't miss the student life, I'll still go to soccer games and have connections (Ashley and Julie) in. Heck, I might even be able to go to classes with them. I'll turn 21, and won't be missing out on any opportunities for the party scene.

I will miss sitting in class. I'll miss listening to the smartest people in the world talk about their passion. I'll miss biking from Sueno to Phelps, and back. I'll miss taking notes and doodling in the margin. I'll miss finding out what friends I have in classes, and what people I'll debate all quarter if I should sit next to or not, only to have the quarter pass me by. I'll miss Dr. Baldwin's box with a post it smiley face that represents an infant. I'll miss Dr. Klein's cynicism and sarcastic jokes. I'll miss Dr. Koegel's geeky laugh and kind nature. I'll miss Dr. Revlin's comb over and demos. I'll miss sitting on the lawn or walking to the beach in between classes. I'll miss teachers taking class outside because it's just too nice to be inside. I'll miss the kids showing up to class in a wetsuit with a surfboard because they were running a little late. I'll miss never seeing a kid fall asleep in class.

What do I do until then? I appreciate it. What else can you do?

When it rains, it pours

Here comes the sun, here comes the sun, and I say it's all right

We got a hike in before the rain. That was a week ago, it feels like a month ago. Being a psychology major, I have learned about mood disorders, some of which come from a change, often in the weather. This week I began to really understand it. It's so easy to get moody, sad, or irritated when it's raining. Some people totally love the rain. I am, however, not one of these people.

Little darling, it's been a long cold winter. Little darling, it feels like years since it's been here. Here comes the sun, here comes the sun, and I say it's all right.

When I moved to Santa Barbara I knew it was going to be pretty. I didn't know that it would be gorgeous. My oldest sister was moving away from Santa Barbara one month after I arrived. She had lived here for I think six years and really her only piece of advice for me was to swim in the ocean. She hadn't been fully submerged in the ocean in the past couple of years and really regretted it. I thought that was silly. Of course I'd be going to the beach all the time, and of course I'd be in the ocean.

Little darling, the smiles returning to the faces. Little darling, it seems like years since it's been here. Here comes the sun, here comes the sun, and I say it's all right.

I'd say I've done a pretty good job appreciating my surroundings in the past 2.5 years. When I drive, walk, or bike past the ocean, it still takes my breath away. Yes, I have swam in the waves quite a few times and I've even surfed. Last year, during winter quarter I successfully touched the ocean every single day. We've had BBQ's, parties, hang outs, and even night adventures all at the beach.

Sun, sun, sun, here it comes...

The weather man says the sun's coming back tomorrow. He better be right. Our winter's been really long (it's been raining for a whole week and a half!), and I'm ready for it to be spring. I'm ready to wear dresses and take naps in our back yard and swim in the ocean with the dolphins. I'm ready to leave all the doors and windows open in our house and listen to music and study in the sun. I'm ready to bike to school in shorts and a tank top and not have to worry about bringing a jacket anywhere. I'm ready for it to be Santa Barbara again.

Little darling, I feel that ice is slowly melting. Little darling, it seems like years since it's been clear. Here comes the sun, here comes the sun and I say it's all right. It's all right.

I'm ready for it to be home again. I'm ready to show it off again.

Rain, Rain, Go Away

On Christmas Eve my roommate and best friend, Ashley delivered the second half of my Christmas present to my front door at home. When we are in the bay area we have this weird habit of always hanging out together. Turns out we literally (LITERALLY) can't live without each other. It was pretty normal that she was over on this night and the present was pretty standard (she has this habit of creating adorable and sentimental presents). She delivered a red velvet cupcake and a letter. I wasn't supposed to open it until Christmas, but yeah right. I lost patience two hours after she left and I opened it. I was alone in my room, and as lame as it is, as I was reading the letter I started bawling. It was easily one of the top three best letters I have ever received.





The reason I tell you this story is because I was recently cleaning up and I found this letter I speak of. I am not a huge advocate of new years resolutions. I think we should resolve to always be better and the new year seems like sort of a silly time to randomly decide to start. However, this letter made me re-evaluate what I need to work on. So here are my non-new years resolutions for life at this moment and forever:





1. Have more fun





2. Be less stressed out, even when there is more stress to worry about





3. Stop getting mad at friends, totally not worth it





4. Never ever get old

I think I'll add more soon.