One Month

There is exactly one month until my birthday. Normally, I am not a huge fan of my birthday. Actually, I would say until last year, I liked the idea that I was a year older and that I got presents, a party, and a little extra love, but I didn't really like the attention that comes along with it. Then last year changed everything. I had the time of my life. What did I do differently you may ask? Virtually nothing, but it was a blast.

Thus, we are approaching another birthday. This time it's the big 2-1. Sure, I am excited that I will be allowed to drink. As silly as it is, I feel like the right to drink is a passage into adult hood. I mean, they're called "adult beverages" aren't they? I am excited to be allowed to order a beer when we go to a brewery. I'm excited to see what lies behind those walls at Tonic and Eios that are so mysterious to me at this time. I'm excited to be able to see Robert play shows at bars. That could be cool, we'll see.

I have already planned the first couple of things I will do as a 21 year old with my new rights. 1. I will buy Julie a Corona at Freebird's. (It's been a dream of ours for a long time). 2. I will go to a club downtown. 3. I will go wine tasting. 4. I will learn how to make some sort of drink and make it for everyone I know. Then, I will patiently wait for Ashley to turn 21 so she can join me in these endeavors.

One month.

Life as I know it

I haven't written a post in a while. I know exactly why too. I have so much going on in my head that I am trying to work out, so how do you put it onto paper (or a computer screen in this case)? It's difficult, but I guess that's what friends are for. They help you work out things that may seem unworkable. I don't want to give you the impression that I'm unhappy. That is not the case at all. In fact, I have been trying to work out how much I love life recently. I suppose I should summarize what has been happening in the last few weeks/months. Let's see...we could start with the end of last quarter.

I had an amazing quarter academically. I really felt like I hit it right. I was constantly in contact with every one of my teachers and I just felt like I was doing my absolute best. Then, at the end of the quarter it was Julie's birthday. We wore pretty dresses (after seven hours or more of looking), went to eat at Cheesecake Factory, and had lots and lots of fun. I even made her a feast and it was delicious. My relatives seem to really understand how to make a good chocolate cake.

Then, it was time for spring break. Let me just tell you, I had an AMAZING spring break. It was so relaxing and wonderful. The first couple of days Laura was here and of course we went to the beach and did the Santa Barbara relaxing thing. Then, Ashley and I embarked for a best friends trip, and we had the time of our lives. We got to L.A. (shout out to Kristina for letting us use her bed!) and went to Souplantation because, well, we needed a delicious meal before a busy day. The next morning we went to Disneyland (after a quick detour to go back and get the camera, couldn't have forgotten that). We spent the whole day there, I wasn't sure if we were going to make it, but it was so magical. We went on so many rides, ate soooo much good food and just had a lovely time. Day 2 was L.A. Zoo day (super awesome) and then John Mayer. Let me just tell you something about John Mayer in concert. He is amazing. He might be a tool, but his musical talent and gratitude and grace just illuminates from the stage when he plays live. It makes you want to cry. The next day it was back to Disneyland for a more relaxing, but equally amazing day. We ended it with an 80's cover band concert and headed home to Santa Barbara.

Back to Santa Barbara for the spring. Not bad, eh? More like awesome. I love this place so much. I have really found myself and established how to be what I want to be. The fact that it's my last quarter at UCSB makes me sad, but I know this has the potential to be the best quarter of my life. UCSB is about school, yes, and the academic experience has been to die for, but it's also been about being a Gaucho. What does that mean to me? Well, enjoying the ocean, savoring every experience, letting trivial and sometimes crucial, but uncontrollable things go, and just always remembering that life goes on. You can't have a bad day when the Pacific Ocean is minutes away. It's just not right.

My Second to Last College Dead Week

I am going all out this quarter. I have tried soooo hard. Maybe harder than I have ever tried at school before. I go to office hours consistently, fight grades, and study more often than not. I've even had to cancel work some days in order to study more. I thought this week was going to be a struggle. Too many distractions, excitements, etc. I nailed it. I feel like I have nothing to do, which of course is a false belief, but man it feels good.

What am I going to do about it? I'm going to go to the beach. I have to. It's too nice outside not to. I live in Santa Barbara. It's the middle of March and it's suitable weather to be walking around in a bathing suit.

On a side note, I have to tell you how much I love my friends. I could see them for two hours, even ten minutes and they make my day. They don't have to do anything either, just be around me. It makes taking everything that sucks a lot easier. Even better? Friends and the beach. That's why Julie and I will be using our long breaks between classes tomorrow to go to the beach. I think this is the most planned beach trip I have had since I moved to Santa Barbara, but I think the weather will cooperate.

On an even sider note, Taylor Swift and Jack Johnson have been getting me through dead week. It's so much easier to write papers with artistic and emotional stimulation from these people. ha ha ha ha.

"I didn't know what i would find when I went looking for a reason. I didn't read between the lines and baby I've got no where to go. I tried to take the road less traveled, but nothing seems to work the first three times. Am I right?"

I Want a Dog

I want a dog. REALLY BAD. I went to the animal shelter today. There were SO MANY dogs. Dogs of every kind too. Many times there is an excess of pitbulls and I don't want a pitbull, so the options are limited, but today there were puppies. LAB puppies that were only 8 weeks old. I wanted to take one home and keep it forever and ever and ever. There was also lab/sharpei mix. I didn't think I liked sharpeis, but this dog was pretty darn cute. I looked up sharpeis and I don't know about their personalities. We'll have to see. Maybe life will allow a puppy soon.

Humility

So I didn't have a very good day...It was rainy, I was in a bad mood, and it just seemed to be getting worse and worse with time. I really didn't want to be at work, but I had to go. I pick up Andrew from a friends house early because his mom got an e-mail from his teacher saying he got in trouble at school because he didn't finish his classwork. Let the yell fest begin. He starts screaming in the car saying his playdate wasn't long enough and he hates school and all the rest of it. I've learned to accept his screaming and talk to him about it after.

Anyway, the car conversation (for lack of a better word) went from him telling me he hates school, me telling him there are kids in other countries who would really want to take his place and be in school, him telling me school is free, me explaining taxes, him telling me taxes are stupid, but if they exist then why don't other countries use them, me explaining poverty and government corruption, and him asking what he could do about it. Sometimes I think he's too smart for a nine year old and his own good.

Then we go inside and get to work. His poem was actually a really stupid assignment, but I couldn't tell him that because he would have just had another tantrum. He had to write a poem called "If you stepped into my heart you would find..." and then come up with all these different things like, something from nature, something you can hear, something you can see, a feeling from your past. There were some highlights for sure. Something from nature-"ancient bird poo" I let it slide cause it was just too funny. Then, a feeling from the past-"feeling like a midget"...also too funny to tell him no. Then we get to the very last two things: Someone you love and how they make you feel. He gets all shy and looks down at his own stomach. He says "I think I'm looking at it". I didn't get it. I said, " you love yourself? That's all you can think of? What about your mom or da..."
"NOOO! I am looking at her..."
"Who?"
"You! I love you, ok?"
I tried to resist emotion. Okay, you can write me if you want. You should probably write "my babysitter" because your teacher won't understand if you just write my name.

Okay...last one..."how do I make you feel Andrew?"
"I don't know...sometimes it's hard to describe things."
"Yeah, you're right. It's really hard to describe love. But I mean, when I think about my friends, Julie makes me feel important and valued, Ashley makes me feel loved, and Trent makes me laugh, which are all reasons why I love th..."
"Well, you make me feel all of those things."
"Ok, well can you maybe pick one?"
"You make me feel...loved I think? But you also make me laugh and you put up with me when I yell at you and no one else does."
"Ok...well you could just say that I make you feel..."
"Great. I'm just going to write that you make me feel great."

I almost cried. Man, sometimes I can't imagine what it will be like when he gets too old for a babysitter.

The Coolest Places I Have Ever Been

Recently one of my teachers assigned a rather intriguing project. We had to compile a list of the coolest places we had ever been. The list had to include a variety of places, some that could never exist again, some that are changing, but still generally the same, some ordinary and some extraordinary. It may be the coolest assignment I have ever gotten. So far I have a lot of things to add, it makes me realize how lucky I am.

1. The top of the Eiffel Tower: never have I been somewhere so busy, but so serene. There were tons of people, but looking out at the whole city of Paris you literally feel alone.

2. The glass window bottom of the Kapalua Kai in Maui: We were on a whale watching boat and a female and her baby took shelter under our boat while males tried to show off around us. At the bottom of the boat, there was a glass window where I could see the baby whale's eye. Pretty incredible.

3. The 4th row at the Greek Theater during a Goo Goo Dolls concert: Almost didn't go to the concert and ended up getting incredible seats. Even though it wasn't the best band I've ever seen...it was the best concert.

4. Campus Point: It's just beautiful, let's be honest.

5: The Madison's at Sunset: Easily the prettiest sunsets I have ever seen. You can see UCSB, the Channel Islands, and SB city lights with the sun setting in like fourteen different colors. For some reason, it's better there than anywhere else in Santa Barbara.

6. 6648 Trigo #2A's Balcony: It was just too much fun, especially on Saturday and Sunday mornings.

7. Lizard's Mouth: It's always pretty and always an adventure. It makes me feel like I am a cougar. Rwar. Hahahahahaha

You belong among the wildflowers...

You belong among the wildflowers. You belong in a boat out at sea. Sail away, kill off the hours. You belong somewhere you feel free.

The other day, I was complaining to my dad that my name is too common. He laughed at me. Turns out, when my parents chose to name me Emily it was considered a bit of a hippie name and they were given a little grief. A lot of things seemed to make sense at that moment.

Run away, find you a lover. Go away somewhere all bright and new. I have seen no other that compares with you.

I do not really consider myself to be a hippie. I mean, what makes a person a hippie? I shower often, I shave my armpits and legs, and I don't experiment with copious amounts and varieties of drugs.

You belong among the wildflowers. You belong in a boat out at sea. You belong with your love on your arm. You belong somewhere you feel free.

I do believe in and promote peace and love. I do enjoy deep, meaningful, and spiritual music. I do like to wear flowers in my hair and spin in the grass, but I think all of these things are me just enjoying being a kid. I do like to live without too many strings attached, I like to live free. Some of the things I believe in may sound hippiesque, but I think they are just big goals so other people are afraid of them.

Run away, go find a lover. Run away, let your heart be your guide. You deserve the deepest of cover. You belong in that home by and by.

I think being in Santa Barbara has made me think more in line with the thinking of hippies. Sometimes I find myself saying things like, "I just want to go to the beach" or "I just need to sit in the sun" or "I wish everyone was just nice". In Northern California, these things might be labeled as "hippie". In Santa Barbara though, these things are waaaay more acceptable.

You belong among the wildflowers. You belong somewhere close to me. Far away from your trouble and worry. You belong somewhere you feel free. You belong somewhere you feel free.

Shhh...I think that's why I like Santa Barbara. It's okay to be free here. It's okay to gallop down the beach. Who cares? Everyone is pretty into enjoying it all.