What? I live here?

Today Ash and I went out to brunch. I'm sitting there at the Gaucho cafe and look out across the lagoon and I go...what? I live here? At any given time in Santa Barbara you are either looking at the ocean or mountains. Yeah, sometimes I feel isolated and I need to get out of here, but I have it pretty darn good.

What is natural beauty? Why is it that I think the ocean is the most beautiful thing, but my grandmother saw the desert as truly amazing? I mean, I can appreciate the beauty in almost anything. I think the puppies living at our house right now are beautiful. Yeah, Jill looks a little retarded and her eyes point in opposite directions, but she's beautiful.

Why do some people seem to appreciate natural beauty way more than others? Does everyone actually appreciate beauty equally, it's just that some are afraid to appear too sensitive or just have a shorter attention span so they don't verbally acknowledge it?

Music

Why is music such an emotional experience? Why is it that EVERYONE, I mean EVERYONE loves music. Is it because the singers and songwriters are expressing emotions that we have trouble expressing ourselves? When we hear these emotions it makes us feel like we are not alone? But then why do only some people love poetry?

Music always seems to make me feel better. If I need to get pumped, feel loved, celebrate, mourn, whatever, there's always the right song. When there's a new song on the radio it feels like a present. When an artist I love is coming out with a new album, I count the days and sometimes even pre-order. I save up money for months to make it to a live show. I cry, dance, smile, laugh at live shows. Music is something I connect with people over. If someone likes the same song or artist, there's an immediate reason to be friends.

Music lightens the mood, makes me miss someone, makes me regret something, makes me laugh about something I did. If a boy plays music, the

y're automatically more attractive. If a girl plays music or has a pretty voice, I want to be like her.

People quote lyrics, people quote musicians. If so

meone hasn't been to college, but they've made a career out of music, they're respected. Music is respected. Even the industry is respected.

I'm not going to say that some day I'll be a musician. I won't. I can't sing, I can't memorize notes, I can't write lyrics. Music will, however, always speak through me.

Music is the biggest cliche to ever exist. However, like most cliches, it's true and everyone knows it.

Home by The Goo Goo Dolls

A crowded room is full of empty faces
The deepest conversation full of lies
Another night with all my friends
The kind you never see again
I wonder if they see through my disguise

And I want to say
That I can't hold back
And I might be wrong
But it's all I have

Come take me home tonight
Come take me home
I need you now
I'm lost without you
A million miles
And I will find you
So take me home

It's 3 am and I can't sleep without you
I think I found the perfect words to say
A satellite transmits my voice
And sometimes we don't have a choice
I wake you up from half a world away

And I tried so hard
Tried to be so strong
But you see the cracks
My defense is gone

Come take me home tonight
Come take me home
Oh, I need you now
I'm lost without you
A million miles
But I will find you

Come take me home tonight
Come take me home

Oh, come take me home tonight
Come take me home

Come take me home tonight
(A satellite transmits my voice)
(Sometimes we don't have a choice)
Come take me home
(I wake you up from half a world away)

I need you now
I'm lost without you
I'm holding on
'Til I can find you

Reading List

I've never been a huge reader. I blame it on my parents for forcing me to read all summer long every summer since I could read. When I start to enjoy reading, I run out of time to read. Like now. I have so many things I want to read, and yet, I start law school in a matter of weeks. Soon I will be reading very dry material (I can very much enjoy dry material, so that's good news). I don't know what to do until then. It's like there are too many things I would like to read so I just don't read anything. Oh well.

I love Santa Barbara. Even though there are many many things that are terribly wrong right now, I can't help but love where I live. It's just so beautiful and happy and lovely. I wish all of my friends and family would move here so I would never have to leave, even for a weekend.

Anyway, I am so busy these days. I have three jobs, but they are all fun so I might as well be playing all day long. It would be nice to never have a real job and instead just have a bakery forever and ever. I think I'll be a lawyer for a few years to make bank so that Marcella and I can start our bakery and I can do photo on the side and practice law when I wanted to exercise my mind. All while living on the mesa, blocks from the dog beach where I will walk my large dogs. I like it. In fact, I LOVE it.

Hi Bryan.

Life After College

I haven't posted in a while. I've been pretty busy, to say the least. Two of my good friends moved away, I turned 21, graduated, moved, got a new job, kept the old job, my step-brother got married, and I got into law school. Time has been an absolute blur and life has been an emotional rollercoaster. I'm done with college, but am still going to be at school and thank goodness I will not have to leave Santa Barbara any time soon.

My roommates are amazing. I'm having so much fun with them in our new adorable house with the hobbit door. Yeah, getting to IV can be a pain, but we are working it out and I can tell that it's going to be a gooooood year.

I need Trent and Julie to come back. I miss them mucho and days like 4th of July make it sink in more and more. It doesn't feel right to celebrate things like my birhday and graduation either without their goofy faces. They're working their kabooties off though so I hope that means they'll be back soon.

New job, amazing. I am having an interesting day today though. I brought home a dog named Callie this week. She stayed with us for four days. She slept with me, walked with me, and sometimes, yes, talked with me (I did most of the talking). She was precious and I wanted her so bad, but I knew I couldn't have her. I got attached, BUT knew that I needed to find her a home. I did just that. I sent her home this morning with a couple that I think will provide her with awesome amounts of love and exercise. I have such mixed emotions. I'll miss her a lot, but there will be other puppies to bring home and they will need our love just as much.

With that, I have to go advertise some more puppies. Hopefully I'll write back soon.

One Month

There is exactly one month until my birthday. Normally, I am not a huge fan of my birthday. Actually, I would say until last year, I liked the idea that I was a year older and that I got presents, a party, and a little extra love, but I didn't really like the attention that comes along with it. Then last year changed everything. I had the time of my life. What did I do differently you may ask? Virtually nothing, but it was a blast.

Thus, we are approaching another birthday. This time it's the big 2-1. Sure, I am excited that I will be allowed to drink. As silly as it is, I feel like the right to drink is a passage into adult hood. I mean, they're called "adult beverages" aren't they? I am excited to be allowed to order a beer when we go to a brewery. I'm excited to see what lies behind those walls at Tonic and Eios that are so mysterious to me at this time. I'm excited to be able to see Robert play shows at bars. That could be cool, we'll see.

I have already planned the first couple of things I will do as a 21 year old with my new rights. 1. I will buy Julie a Corona at Freebird's. (It's been a dream of ours for a long time). 2. I will go to a club downtown. 3. I will go wine tasting. 4. I will learn how to make some sort of drink and make it for everyone I know. Then, I will patiently wait for Ashley to turn 21 so she can join me in these endeavors.

One month.

Life as I know it

I haven't written a post in a while. I know exactly why too. I have so much going on in my head that I am trying to work out, so how do you put it onto paper (or a computer screen in this case)? It's difficult, but I guess that's what friends are for. They help you work out things that may seem unworkable. I don't want to give you the impression that I'm unhappy. That is not the case at all. In fact, I have been trying to work out how much I love life recently. I suppose I should summarize what has been happening in the last few weeks/months. Let's see...we could start with the end of last quarter.

I had an amazing quarter academically. I really felt like I hit it right. I was constantly in contact with every one of my teachers and I just felt like I was doing my absolute best. Then, at the end of the quarter it was Julie's birthday. We wore pretty dresses (after seven hours or more of looking), went to eat at Cheesecake Factory, and had lots and lots of fun. I even made her a feast and it was delicious. My relatives seem to really understand how to make a good chocolate cake.

Then, it was time for spring break. Let me just tell you, I had an AMAZING spring break. It was so relaxing and wonderful. The first couple of days Laura was here and of course we went to the beach and did the Santa Barbara relaxing thing. Then, Ashley and I embarked for a best friends trip, and we had the time of our lives. We got to L.A. (shout out to Kristina for letting us use her bed!) and went to Souplantation because, well, we needed a delicious meal before a busy day. The next morning we went to Disneyland (after a quick detour to go back and get the camera, couldn't have forgotten that). We spent the whole day there, I wasn't sure if we were going to make it, but it was so magical. We went on so many rides, ate soooo much good food and just had a lovely time. Day 2 was L.A. Zoo day (super awesome) and then John Mayer. Let me just tell you something about John Mayer in concert. He is amazing. He might be a tool, but his musical talent and gratitude and grace just illuminates from the stage when he plays live. It makes you want to cry. The next day it was back to Disneyland for a more relaxing, but equally amazing day. We ended it with an 80's cover band concert and headed home to Santa Barbara.

Back to Santa Barbara for the spring. Not bad, eh? More like awesome. I love this place so much. I have really found myself and established how to be what I want to be. The fact that it's my last quarter at UCSB makes me sad, but I know this has the potential to be the best quarter of my life. UCSB is about school, yes, and the academic experience has been to die for, but it's also been about being a Gaucho. What does that mean to me? Well, enjoying the ocean, savoring every experience, letting trivial and sometimes crucial, but uncontrollable things go, and just always remembering that life goes on. You can't have a bad day when the Pacific Ocean is minutes away. It's just not right.