I just want you to know who I am

And I'd give up forever to touch you
Because I know that you feel me somehow
You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be
And I don't want to go home right now

And all I can taste is this moment
And all I can breathe is your life
Because sooner or later it's over
I just don't want to miss you tonight

And I don't want the world to see me
Because I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming
Or the moment of truth in your lies
When everything feels like the movies
And you bleed just to know you're alive

And I don't want the world to see me
Because I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

And I don't want the world to see me
Because I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

And I don't want the world to see me
Because I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am

Your Summer, My School Year

Did you know that as of tonight I am officially ONE THIRD of the way through my first semester of law school? I bet you didn't. Kind of crazy, I know. Time is going by way too quickly and I am overwhelmed with the amount of work and time I could be putting into school, but for right now I need to sit and reflect.

Did I mention that Trent and Julie are back? WOOOOOooooOO

OOOoooOO (yes, I am THAT excited). Not this past weekend, but the weekend before that they came up to the Bay Area with me to have some fun and spend time with m

y parents. Ok, so let me just tell you that I fall more and more in love with San Francisco every time I visit, especially as I am entering my adult years. Drinking an alcoholic concoction at the Cheesecake Factory on top of the city is way more fun than a raspberry lemonade. We went on a roller coaster boat in the bay (ROCKET BOAT!), which was way more fun than you could even imagine. Spending time with friends from home is always good. Spending time with friends from Santa Barbara is always great. Mixing the two? Perfection.

Now this week I've been back to work at DAWG and babysitting. Let me just give you a little mini lecture. DAWG is a non-profit organization that I work at 15 hours a week. I actually end up working many more hours than that, so I volunteer there as well. You would think that I may get frustrated that a lot of my time gets sucked up volunteering, but I don't. Why? I care so much about this organization. There are so many flaws, but at the end of the day that doesn't matter at all. What does matter is how many animals lives they're saving. Did you know that some shelters have to put HUNDREDS of dogs to sleep a year? Take Camarillo, for instance, which I've heard has to put 30% of their population down a week, totaling

almost 50 dogs PER WEEK. At DAWG, we make every effort to reduce this number. We try and make shelter life a little easier for the dogs that have taken up residency with us, and we do everything we can to help people that can't take care of their dogs anymore because of some hardship (the hardest part of the job for sure). It is a cause that is completely worth my time and money as well as yours if you have some of either to spare.

The point of this little plug is to let the four of you that read my blog know that sometimes you find passion where you least expect it. I've always loved dogs, but I never knew the devastation that some endure. I started working and found that I could do way more for an organization than I ever imagined possible. We may be young and poor, but we have a lot more power and say in the world than we might think.

What? I live here?

Today Ash and I went out to brunch. I'm sitting there at the Gaucho cafe and look out across the lagoon and I go...what? I live here? At any given time in Santa Barbara you are either looking at the ocean or mountains. Yeah, sometimes I feel isolated and I need to get out of here, but I have it pretty darn good.

What is natural beauty? Why is it that I think the ocean is the most beautiful thing, but my grandmother saw the desert as truly amazing? I mean, I can appreciate the beauty in almost anything. I think the puppies living at our house right now are beautiful. Yeah, Jill looks a little retarded and her eyes point in opposite directions, but she's beautiful.

Why do some people seem to appreciate natural beauty way more than others? Does everyone actually appreciate beauty equally, it's just that some are afraid to appear too sensitive or just have a shorter attention span so they don't verbally acknowledge it?

Music

Why is music such an emotional experience? Why is it that EVERYONE, I mean EVERYONE loves music. Is it because the singers and songwriters are expressing emotions that we have trouble expressing ourselves? When we hear these emotions it makes us feel like we are not alone? But then why do only some people love poetry?

Music always seems to make me feel better. If I need to get pumped, feel loved, celebrate, mourn, whatever, there's always the right song. When there's a new song on the radio it feels like a present. When an artist I love is coming out with a new album, I count the days and sometimes even pre-order. I save up money for months to make it to a live show. I cry, dance, smile, laugh at live shows. Music is something I connect with people over. If someone likes the same song or artist, there's an immediate reason to be friends.

Music lightens the mood, makes me miss someone, makes me regret something, makes me laugh about something I did. If a boy plays music, the

y're automatically more attractive. If a girl plays music or has a pretty voice, I want to be like her.

People quote lyrics, people quote musicians. If so

meone hasn't been to college, but they've made a career out of music, they're respected. Music is respected. Even the industry is respected.

I'm not going to say that some day I'll be a musician. I won't. I can't sing, I can't memorize notes, I can't write lyrics. Music will, however, always speak through me.

Music is the biggest cliche to ever exist. However, like most cliches, it's true and everyone knows it.

Home by The Goo Goo Dolls

A crowded room is full of empty faces
The deepest conversation full of lies
Another night with all my friends
The kind you never see again
I wonder if they see through my disguise

And I want to say
That I can't hold back
And I might be wrong
But it's all I have

Come take me home tonight
Come take me home
I need you now
I'm lost without you
A million miles
And I will find you
So take me home

It's 3 am and I can't sleep without you
I think I found the perfect words to say
A satellite transmits my voice
And sometimes we don't have a choice
I wake you up from half a world away

And I tried so hard
Tried to be so strong
But you see the cracks
My defense is gone

Come take me home tonight
Come take me home
Oh, I need you now
I'm lost without you
A million miles
But I will find you

Come take me home tonight
Come take me home

Oh, come take me home tonight
Come take me home

Come take me home tonight
(A satellite transmits my voice)
(Sometimes we don't have a choice)
Come take me home
(I wake you up from half a world away)

I need you now
I'm lost without you
I'm holding on
'Til I can find you

Reading List

I've never been a huge reader. I blame it on my parents for forcing me to read all summer long every summer since I could read. When I start to enjoy reading, I run out of time to read. Like now. I have so many things I want to read, and yet, I start law school in a matter of weeks. Soon I will be reading very dry material (I can very much enjoy dry material, so that's good news). I don't know what to do until then. It's like there are too many things I would like to read so I just don't read anything. Oh well.

I love Santa Barbara. Even though there are many many things that are terribly wrong right now, I can't help but love where I live. It's just so beautiful and happy and lovely. I wish all of my friends and family would move here so I would never have to leave, even for a weekend.

Anyway, I am so busy these days. I have three jobs, but they are all fun so I might as well be playing all day long. It would be nice to never have a real job and instead just have a bakery forever and ever. I think I'll be a lawyer for a few years to make bank so that Marcella and I can start our bakery and I can do photo on the side and practice law when I wanted to exercise my mind. All while living on the mesa, blocks from the dog beach where I will walk my large dogs. I like it. In fact, I LOVE it.

Hi Bryan.

Life After College

I haven't posted in a while. I've been pretty busy, to say the least. Two of my good friends moved away, I turned 21, graduated, moved, got a new job, kept the old job, my step-brother got married, and I got into law school. Time has been an absolute blur and life has been an emotional rollercoaster. I'm done with college, but am still going to be at school and thank goodness I will not have to leave Santa Barbara any time soon.

My roommates are amazing. I'm having so much fun with them in our new adorable house with the hobbit door. Yeah, getting to IV can be a pain, but we are working it out and I can tell that it's going to be a gooooood year.

I need Trent and Julie to come back. I miss them mucho and days like 4th of July make it sink in more and more. It doesn't feel right to celebrate things like my birhday and graduation either without their goofy faces. They're working their kabooties off though so I hope that means they'll be back soon.

New job, amazing. I am having an interesting day today though. I brought home a dog named Callie this week. She stayed with us for four days. She slept with me, walked with me, and sometimes, yes, talked with me (I did most of the talking). She was precious and I wanted her so bad, but I knew I couldn't have her. I got attached, BUT knew that I needed to find her a home. I did just that. I sent her home this morning with a couple that I think will provide her with awesome amounts of love and exercise. I have such mixed emotions. I'll miss her a lot, but there will be other puppies to bring home and they will need our love just as much.

With that, I have to go advertise some more puppies. Hopefully I'll write back soon.